What to ask your child instead of “how was school?”

“How was school?” reliably produces one word: “fine”. It is a closed question dressed as an open one, and children answer it on autopilot. A better question changes the whole conversation.

Ask what surprised them today. Surprise marks the exact point where an existing belief met new information — which is where learning actually happens.

Ask what they got wrong, and what they did next. Normalising error is the single most protective thing a parent can do for a child's willingness to attempt hard things.

Ask who they helped, or who helped them. This surfaces the social and collaborative side of school that grades never capture.

Ask what they would change about a lesson. It invites critique and gives them practice at forming an opinion and defending it.

Ask what question they wanted to ask but didn't. The answer often reveals both curiosity and a confidence gap worth working on.

Ask what they are looking forward to tomorrow. It ends the conversation forward-facing, and it tells you what is genuinely holding their interest.

None of these takes more than a minute. All of them get more than “fine”.